I found myself, self-analyzing this morning. It occurred to me that the twist and turns of my life so far have led me to think of Cervantes “Don Quixote”, the man from La Mancha who imagined himself a knight errant on a white charger riding out to do good deeds and save damsels in distress. Although I don’t own a horse and probably can’t say I am that chivalrous or polite, I guess that it does feel like engaging in a battle with windmills sometimes, frequently ending in ‘defeat’, only for the moment. I’m no Dulcinea, patriarchy is something I don’t readily accept or leave unquestioned. Since I was young, I think my folks thought I was a little mad. I spent my time drawing and exploring my world of imagination, it took up most of my time but set me thinking about things from a different angle. Well, it was hard for them to understand what it’s like to try to go over the high wall of the known and accepted concepts of time, space and established practice. I wanted something more, I wanted to be free!
It’s hard when people don’t understand freedom of mind, especially when you’re young, fresh and ready to venture into the unknown. I guess, that’s the root of my frustration most of my life, to look beyond present existence and believe in something better or which could be better. So, it’s been nearly a lifetime of battle with short spates of ‘peace’ or ‘truce’? It’s hard when people don’t understand freedom of mind, especially when you’re young, fresh and ready to venture into the unknown. I guess, that’s the root of my frustration most of my life, to look beyond present existence and believe in something better or which could be better. So, it’s been nearly a lifetime of battle with short spates of ‘peace’ or ‘truce’?
I did things they didn’t expect and even in school, I was ‘accused’ of daydreaming during lessons. I wasn’t daydreaming as my teachers seemed to think. I was actually paying full attention, but one idea sparked a plethora of other ideas or questions in my head. They didn’t understand and often reacted negatively. So, I was relegated to Sancho Panza with his own dreams of greatness on a more materialistic and mundane level.
It didn’t stick. As in an old Energizer Battery advert, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going!” I was that stubborn and still am to an extent. Once on that road, there’s no turning back. So, I beat my own path, shaping my own philosophy of life, hitting numerous dead-ends and retracing my footsteps only to emerge somewhere else. Lost? Yes and No, there was another way, another world to explore, another adventure in this quixotic journey of life.
Age and physical limitations are not a hindrance when the mind can fly beyond the borders to any time or space it chooses. So, Don Quixote rides on to battle the giants, the dragons and monsters, to save the damsels in distress…
Will he ever return to his Lady Dulcinea? Probably not unless, he’s wounded and needs some TLC, yet there is hope of one day settling down or disappearing into the spirit world where he’ll continue his noble quest…with Sancho Panza, ever hopeful, clinging to his horse’s tail. Rest in Peace, milord. I look toward another sunrise.