Walking, watching , thinking

When I was younger, I used to take long walks by myself. I would go to various places. These were partly expeditions to observe life as it passed me by and an exploration of my own thoughts as I went along. It was a calm and enjoyable time, walking by the beach,listening, feeling the breeze, admiring and marvelling at the beauty and intricacy of nature. The trees that may have stood in one place for nearly a 100 years or more, now gnarled and twisted in their ancient years with dependent plants anchored in their branches. Their constant companions. It’s funny that even trees had companions but most of mine seemed like rolling stones. Like marbles, we rolled along, knocked into one another, then rolled away again to wherever we went. I have the nature of a mouse (so I was labelled. Being born under that Chinese zodiac animal). Silently creeping in the shadows, looking for things to feed my curiosity, watching, waiting in apparent timidity until the coast was clear.

Was I by nature or design solitary? Most times, I was just the silent observer, didn’t say much and preferred to keep my thoughts to myself. Perhaps it was the environment I grew up in. Parents were fond of listening to the more talkative siblings who seemed sociable and extrovert. They often forgot my existence. I’m not a crowd person. I dislike ostentation and only engage when someone directly communicates with me. I often shy away from introducing myself, perhaps that doesn’t help when you need to network. It takes an extra effort for me to do so. Few understand that one can like one’s own company.

However, there are times when I wish I could share my world with someone as a friend. A companion in the way who needn’t be constantly with me but still with me even if we’re apart. Whether such a person exists, I don’t know.

While having a meal on my own at our local ‘kopi tiam’ or ‘kedai mamak’, it’s interesting to hear the on-going chatter of other diners, like background music when immersed in my own thoughts, but still being aware of the on-goings around. One can explore the mysteries of the universe even in this place, while savouring the delights of delicious ‘coffee shop’ food.

The mall is also one of my ‘haunts’. Busy shoppers, brightly lighted and well designed shop fronts show-casing the latest arrivals and goods in stock. Promoting the newest technologies, fashions, trends, “hotest buys” etc… It’s a good workout for your legs walking around the mall, even if you’re just window shopping. This naked capitalism is what they call “retail therapy” for those who find shopping dope for depression.

For me rest comes in a quiet spot where a cool breeze blows relieving the heat of day. Open boats bobing on the waves. The sound of the sea as it laps on the shore. Look up at the sky to feel the vastness of its limitless canopy. I don’t need much, just the basics to live.